Earlier this year, I flushed the toilet on a lot of dead-end boys and just decided to start fresh. After making this space and being pretty centered, I met a few guys, but one of them really wanted to be in a relationship. While that never happened, I did date him and at least entertained the idea on occasion. Why not? He was a good-looking, very nice, very “into me” guy. There was decent enough chemistry and we got along well. We even both had a similar philosophical perspective, which is kind of hard to find in the fairly homogeneous state of UT. I should have been excited, right? Well, I just wasn’t feeling it. I tried, I really did. I was kind of ready for a real relationship and had been feeling like I was going to have one, but I just couldn’t get into him. I hung on for a week or two and wondered what my problem was. In fact, I seriously chewed myself out on more than one occasion. “What is wrong with you?” I’d chastise myself: “Here, you have a great guy who is crazy about you and would do anything for you and you ‘Aren’t feeling it’? Sure, he’s not perfect, but ‘Hello!’ Have you looked in the mirror lately? You aren’t perfect either! Not to mention you’re getting older and there aren’t a lot of good options out there….” and on and on. While I made some good points, I also realized a lot of my arguments were related to my own self doubt. Hmmmm…… Still, what gives me the right to quantify the value of another human being? I was being an elitist snob, right? Well, in day to day interactions, I would say that is true, but when it comes to selecting a LIFE PARTNER, the one you are going to share everything with, the one who has an all-access pass to you and your family, I decided it was totally justified. Furthermore, I didn’t escape a horrible marriage, go through all the pains of liberating myself and make all this progress to end up with a guy that was simply “good enough”. Yes, he was a GOOD guy; he just wasn’t the RIGHT one for ME.
So, like the snob that I was, I walked away from that “Good Guy” and hoped to God the “Right Guy” existed somewhere, and that at some point we would meet each other. It’s always scary to take those kinds of risks, but I ultimately knew from experience it was a lot easier to be on my own than to be in a bad relationship. Well, the timing must have been right, because, within a week, I got a call from someone I’d met and talked to briefly at the “Don’t Forget the Pepper Spray” release party, of all places. He was a friend of a friend and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. Sure, why not? I was un-entangled. Well, short story shorter, we hit it off like nothing I’ve ever experienced and we are still as blissfully happy as the day the magic hit us. And better yet? He’s so well suited to me it’s unreal. Obviously no one knows what the future has in store, but right now, I can’t imagine being any happier.
Two things had to happen though for all this ridiculous happiness to take place.
1. I had to have room for Mr. Right. Had I still been entertaining things with the “Good Guy” or stuck it out with him because I didn’t think I could find anyone better, none of all this bliss with the “Right Guy” would have been possible. This goes for people stuck in dead-end relationships, people still pining over ex lover's and all the other toxic ways people jam up their emotional space. Make lots of room for the right one and they will come!!!!
2. I had to love myself enough to know I not only deserved better, but that it was crucial to my future. When you're in a desert, it's really hard to leave a pond in hopes that you'll find a lake. But, ponds dry up and what you really need in long-term relationships is a lake. You need someone that will last for the long haul, through all the droughts and storms life brings you. This is something I wish I knew when I was younger!
Good isn’t good enough for me and it isn’t good enough for YOU either. Marriages/relationships are hard, and unless it’s exceptional, it’s going to be hard to make it. Love yourself enough to know you deserve the best. Don't settle for anything less than butterflies and fireworks!!!! Go for your smartest, biggest dreams, and while you may not get them all entirely (yet), you’ll sure get a lot closer and can build your way to love heaven from there.
Other Top Three Tips: 1. “The Biggest Love of Your Life: Yourself” and 2. “Making Space”
