So, I took my teenagers (I can’t believe I’m this old) to see Disney’s “Prom” a little while back. It was a “good girl falls for bad, brawling boy who is really nice” and blah blah blah story. And, although cliché, I was actually happy with the female characters for once- they were pretty strong in contrast to the weak, damsel in distress characters Disney usually personifies. So, I didn’t give it too much thought. Then just the other day, my daughter starts talking about her friend’s boyfriend and how he was being a jerk, but had mental issues, so her friend needed to just be more patient. After that comment, I kind of wanted to drop kick that movie into oblivion. Like any mother who wants nothing but happiness for her kids, I immediately went on a mini-rant that went something like this: “Be nice and understanding, but DON’T EVER date a guy with emotional problems. EVER!!!” My 13 year old, who is used to my quasi hippie “love everyone” attitude was taken aback. “But mom, they’re people too” she said. I was secretly very proud of her but said. “Yes they are and love them as people, but don’t marry them; all you will be doing is exchanging your happiness for theirs. They will hold you back and make life harder than it already is.”
I know, I sound like and elitist b*yatch, but here’s the reality. Hollywood likes to glamorize “bad boys” and makes them into heroes constantly, and while movies have happy endings, in real life, the bad, troubled, angry boys that play to our sympathies <A big, sarcastic “Thank you Hollywood”> often lead to our demise. I know real women that married these troubled boys and while it seemed “romantic” in the beginning, ultimately ended painfully and in some cases, violently. In respect for my friends, I won’t go into too much detail, but here’s a list of a few of the outcomes: suicide, attempted murder suicide, manslaughter, physical abuse and incest. Adding insult to injury, all of these terrible outcomes happened after years and years of struggling to get theses bad/troubled/angry boys help, properly medicated and under control. All of this hard work, years and years of pain, betrayal and abuse (children and wife) were rewarded with near death experiences, terrible losses and being left to clean up the disasters these boys left for them.
Ladies, bad boys are not a cross you want to bear. I know there are exceptions and I know everyone has equal value in the ultimate scheme of things, but when it comes to dating and ultimately choosing the guy you’re going to spend your life with, the troubled guys are best kept as friends. Support them, try to help them when it doesn’t interfere with your own happiness, but don’t go down that path. Yeah, it may seem cool when he’s up in some other guys grill defending your honor, but remember, that anger will one day be directed at you or your kids and it won’t feel cool at all. Or, say he’s not violent, but emotionally troubled. Hollywood likes to portray these guys as deep, feeling lone-wolf types in black that you feel sorry for. That gothic anti-social who does what he pleases or always needs “him time”, isn’t going to be so sexy when he is depressed, can’t keep a job and self-medicates with booze. How are you going to feel when he can’t deal with life, help you with the bills and the kids and you are left carrying the burden of everyone 24/7? And what happens when he decides to end it all because he just can’t bear his failures anymore? Is he going to leave you a terrible mess? Or worse, will he plan on taking you with him? Not so romantic.
As women, it is in our nature to be caretakers. We see the best in everyone and want to bring it out in them, I know, I’ve taken on a project or two myself. The key is seeing people for who they are, not what they could be. Continue to be supportive and kind to everyone, but don’t sabotage your own life by sharing it with someone who isn’t ready to be an equal partner emotionally. Maybe they will be healthy someday, but there are no guarantees. You could waste a lifetime having faith that someone will change, only to be left disappointed. And in the case of someone with emotional problems, you may not only waste your life for theirs, but you may lose it.
As for Hollywood: I’m sending a big “F You” your way. Stop perpetuating the pain by glamorizing troublemakers and ultimately abuse. There’s nothing pretty or cool about it.
0 comments:
Post a Comment